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Shot By Both Sides

JS Mill quote e1544355903521

When I was young, it was Aah Bisto or Bovril; Horlicks or Ovaltine; Vesta curry meals or vomit. You chose a side, be it sport, religion or politics.

Actually, religion in my household wasn’t really a choice, it only took me to the age of 11 or 12 to realise this Catholic fear of damnation was in fact bollocks and, let’s clear this out of the way: no, I wasn’t abused by Father O’Paedophile. I just wasn’t pretty enough and have spent the whole of my adult life feeling left out in some way.

“Mum, Dad: how come we have to go to church on Sunday whilst you two recover from a mad Irish Saturday night that ends in songs and violence?”

“Shut up and eat your communion wafer. And, don’t forget, God hates you.”

Anyway, I digress as is my want and my right. Or my left. Fuck concise clear thinking; it never appealed to me.

The world has grown tired and bored of left or right and under the guise of progress and evolution come up with alt-left and alt-right, Antifa and Auntie Mary.

The extremists are taking over the asylum and poor souls like me – boohoo – are left swimming in a Sargasso sea of common sense, like the old pound note; God bless the queen mum, redundant, dead and worthless.

I don’t want your fucking labels, be they alt-left or alt-right. It’s branding, pure and simple every time.

So nowadays, the middle is the scary place to be. If you show any sign of common sense, it means you’re an insubordinate; not to be trusted by the group or mob.

To end, here’s a cautionary tale – it happens to be alt-left, but could quite easily be the other extreme. It’s an incident at Evergreen State College in Seattle, Washington that perfectly illustrates the madness. A biology professor and his wife, who is also a professor, were forced out of the college and their jobs, and forced to flee for their safety after daring to question the mob mentality.

The prof’s name is Bret Weinstein. Look him up and make up your own mind. The students, in their wisdom, staged a protest – you know, like they do – and the college president, in an attempt to calm the poor darlings, was told that his hand movements as he spoke were threatening to them. He lowers his arms by his side and guess what? They laugh. Yes, they laugh.

As my old man might say: “Fucking catch yourself on.”

Now I‘ve just annoyed myself.

BYE.

Next article in issue 61

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